To The Guy Who Shouted “Whale” At Me While I Was Walking

Thank you for making me feel even shittier and more self-conscious than I already did about taking my fat ass out in public. It’s like you somehow instinctively knew that comparing my body in lycra to the giant of the sea would make things all the better. Sure, I’d been stressed about going out in the first place because of fellas like you with your big loud trucks and those fake testicles hanging off the hitch. I saw you high-fiving your buddy in the bitch seat so I bet he was super impressed with your observational skills and ability to suss out the proper response to seeing a fat woman…