Dear Miss Bossy Pants,
I’m having a “biological time clock” problem. I’m not 100% sure if I’ll ever want to have kids, but I don’t want to shut out the idea completely because I may regret it later on. Right now I’m definitely not ready to have kids (reasons including lack of funds and lack of a partner), but once I get my act together in the next few years, I’ll be in a better position. When and if I have a kid, I want to be with my “forever person,” but the thought of dating right now absolutely terrifies me. But again, my clock is ticking, so I don’t exactly have the luxury of taking my time on this. I looked into freezing my eggs, but the chances of getting pregnant from that later are slim, and it’s also really expensive. When it all comes down to it, I don’t want to die alone.
I’d love your advice on my situation.
Thanks so much,
Dear Miss Bossy Pants: My Biological Clock Is Stressing Me Out
Dear Scrambled Eggs:
Having kids before you’re ready is never an ideal situation. Neither is the panic some of us feel as we attend our fifth baby shower of the year and our friends are posting adorably posed pictures of their cherub-faced cuties. Our biological clocks are bitches, yo. They’re whiny assholes that remind us that life is short, and fertility is fleeting, and for women (more than most men) time is of the essence. But here are a few things to hopefully set your mind at ease:
You know that magic “35-years-old” number? You know, where babies born after a mother is 35 are at a higher risk of birth defects? And how mothers after this age are considered ‘geriatric pregnancies’ and have to see an OBGYN who specializes in these? It’s not as big as the news makes it out to be. In fact, according to the CDC, more women are waiting until 30-34 to have babies than women who are having them from 25-29. And many women are waiting until 35 and beyond to have very healthy pregnancies. Not only that, but according to Medical News Today, even though there are higher risks of birth defects, miscarriage, and maternal injury, the risks vary from woman to woman and overall health of the mother needs to be taken into consideration, not just her age. Mothers 45 and older, even, are carrying perfectly healthy children – but it all comes down to a discussion with your doctor.
And that’s my advice. It’s perfectly okay not to be ready, but if you know you want children at some point, go ahead and set up an appointment with a fertility specialist now to see what your actual risk factors are and to determine how old would be too old for you.
Until then, enjoy your singlehood, and relax – I promise if in the future you want to be a mom, you WILL find a way to make it happen and you’ll end up with the exact right kid for you.
Miss Bossy Pants
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