I’ve been there. I know it’s embarrassing to admit that you’ve hit adulthood and can’t quite make it and have to move back home with mom and dad. Nothing sucks quite so hard as living in your childhood bedroom as an adult, looking around at all your weird posters and knick-knacks and things that were suchabigdeal back in the day, and realizing just how truly lame you used to be (and maybe still are). Every bit of it is awful. Maybe it happens because you’re right out of college, and the job market isn’t as open to people with BAs in History as you thought it’d be. Maybe switching majors three times (and racking up the student loans to match) wasn’t the best use of your college time. Maybe you got out and found a perfect job, but then the company closed and now you’re stuck in a car payment you can’t afford, in an apartment you can’t afford, with a cat named Mittins (who probably hates you) who needs monthly medication that you, well, can’t afford.
5 Truths About Guys Who Are ‘Taking Care Of Their Parents’
I’m saying, there are a lot of reasons people have to move back home. They all suck, but welcome to adulthood – this is your life now. Thing is: living at home is one thing, but lying about why you’re living at home is a whole new level of lame. I don’t know many women who lie about it, but I’ve known a few guys. Here are 5 truths about guys who are ‘taking care of their parents’ (but that we know are totally just stuck living at home):
- They’re embarrassed – there shouldn’t be a social stigma applied to men who have to move back home, but unfortunately sometimes there is. A lot of people invision some dude with Cheeto-stained fingers playing MPRPG’s in his parents basement, mom moving clothes from the washer to the dryer in the background. The truth is that most guys who move back home really don’t want to be there. If they could move out, they would.
- They made some bad decisions – we’ve all made bad decisions. That’s part of adulting. Whether they be financial, relationship, career, or whatever, as long as steps toward change are taken those decisions will someday just be weird stories told to the grandkids.
- They want to be seen as a good guy – sometimes guys lie about why they live with their folks because they want to be seen as a good guy. Some guy saying, “I moved back home because paying rent blows and my mom makes free food” is probably not as endearing as, “my mom has really bad arthritis and needed someone to help take care of her.”
- They’re willing to lie to save face – if the guy you’re seeing is this guy, run – run fast. Part of him will always be a liar, and if he’s trying to save face about something as boring as why he lives with mom and dad, you can bet your sweet patootie he’s gonna lie about the bigger things. Run. Fast.
- They need to move out before you get serious – living at home with mom and dad isn’t a bad thing, but until he’s independent in his own right, getting serious with him shouldn’t even be an option. Let him develop into the man he’s becoming before you “put a ring on it.”
Now this isn’t about the guys who are actually at home taking care of their parents…
With adults choosing to have kids later and later in life, there are definitely some fellas out there who are totes at home making sure mom gets her medication, and dad doesn’t run someone over on the way to the grocery store. Kudos to these guys. And you know, for the ones who are living at home and lying about it, it’s okay. Just stop the lying. We’ve all had to take a hard look at our own lives from time to time, and sometimes we’ve had to make decisions that we didn’t love. But owning those decisions is part of what being an adult is all about. These guys aren’t undatable – some of them have incredible potential, and will someday make a great partner. But not today. Not until they move out, live as an adult, and stop lying about their circumstances. Because that’s what it really comes down to: if the dude is willing to lie to you about why he’s living at home, chances are he’s going to lie about other things, too. Your time and energy are worth more than all that. Give him some time to grow up, and date someone else until he does.