Once upon a time he was your everything. The two of you made all the girly, silly selfies together. He met your friends – they didn’t hate him. You met his mom – she totally hated you. But, it was okay. Because he was still your everything.
Until he wasn’t.
And once things ended it was like your entire world shrank without notice. Suddenly avocado toast didn’t taste as good anymore. And that hand-sewn journal he got you for Christmas? Yeah, you can’t even look at it without crying. Every day feels like your world has been shrink-wrapped and like your life is getting smaller and smaller. Then he calls you. Hey, wanna go get a drink?
5 Reasons To Never Ever Double-Dip
You could say yes. He’ll be waiting at the bar, looking all amazing, smelling like that cologne that still lingers somewhere in the back of your closet. He’ll smile in the way he only ever smiles for you. Say your name like his lips are practically making love to it. All of those reasons you had for not being together anymore seem to recede into the background because it feels so great just to be around him again.
That’s the thing, though, isn’t it? At one point it didn’t feel great to be around him. He did something. Or maybe stopped doing anything…and either you or he decided to call it quits.
In the back of your mind you’re thinking, well maybe we can make it work this time.
It’s a lie.
There is no this time or last time. If you see him again you’re double dipping and that is never, ever a good thing. Sure, it might feel good at first. At first you’ll both be on your best behavior again, hoping everything will turn out differently. But pretty soon you’ll be back to where you were – miserable and wondering why you wasted even more of your time on a relationship you should not have been in.
And the second break-up? Yeah. It hurts WAY worse than the first.
Thinking About Double dipping? Just Don’t Do It.
1. Neither of you has really changed. It might feel like you have because breaking up always takes part of you away, but the things you did to drive each other insane are still going to be happening. He’s still going to flick his floss against the bathroom sink. You’re still going to squeeze the toothpaste from the middle. What drove you nuts before will drive you nuts again. Only, you’ll try to overlook it because you’re ‘making things work’. Yeah. That’s not going to end well.
2. That original spark really is dead. He’s attractive. You’re attractive. And you might want to bone. Might want to feel his arms around you while you sleep again. Might miss the scruffy way his hair looks when he first wakes up. But relationships aren’t like old jeans. They never do feel the same once you put them back on.
3. You’re only delaying the inevitable. It might sound fatalistic to say it that way, but it’s true. Eventually the two of you are going to break up again. And it will hurt again. So much. All you’d be doing is buying time until your heart breaks again.
4. His mom still doesn’t like you. Plus, now she resents you for the break-up. And it doesn’t matter who pulled the trigger, her little puddin’ pop was hurting, and you’re the whore who made it happen. Yeah. The two of you could go on to get married and have a passel full of chubby cheeked babies and on your 40th wedding anniversary his mom will lean over to her best friend and say, “I still don’t like her.”
5. Both of you deserve the chance to move on. Trying to get together again puts a temporary pin in the grieving process, but it doesn’t stop it. If you broke up you have to remind yourself that it was for good reasons and give yourself a chance to move on.
Look, the truth is he’s probably a really great guy – you wouldn’t have dated him if he wasn’t. And maybe some of the fights you had were petty. And maybe if you each had given in a little more during the relationship you would have stayed together forever. But that didn’t happen. There will always be a history between the two of you. Good memories. Bad memories. Times you wish you could bottle up and save forever. Times you wish you could burn like that t-shirt that still smells like him in the back of your closet. But double-dipping with your ex isn’t going to give either of you the good feels you hope it does. Your best chance – for both of you – is to move on. Thank the universe for the time you had together, be grateful for the good memories, and give yourself a chance to love again.